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December 29th, 2008

Kissy @ 09:56 am

Current Mood: devistated

I really don't use this journal anymore, but I need to write this somewhere for now, I will move it to my website when I have a chance.

When I was in college my boyfriend and I at the time went to the mall near my college. There was this tiny siamese in the window at the pet store there, I had to hold her. She was colored like my family's first siamese (Keyna) who was gone for a while. At that time we had 1 baby siamese (Kayleigh) and Stripe who was probably around 5 or 6, Misty had died the year before who I grew up with and was kind of my little buddy before she died. My mom loved siamese kittys, who wouldn't? They aren't crabby and bitchy like that false rep, they are the sweetest best companions of any cat IMO. I thought that little kitten would make a good surprise for my mom so I charged her, $200 on my credit card dad got me to buy college books (tee hee). I would never buy a pet store animal normally, but I had to. She was tiny, she fit in my hand, and it didn't seem she liked the food and we were told by the girl working there they did not offer alternatives.

We drove her back to my dorm room, the boyfriend was up for the weekend, who was staying with my parents. We opened the cardboard box, and she sprung out and ran around the small dorm room like mad, which was huge to her. Running back and forth jumping on the bed, so excited to be out of a 2ft by 2 ft area.

Then we took her back to my house and walked in smiling with her and mom said take her back. *gasp* NO!!!! No way no how she stays. And she did. I chose Kissy because my mom used to call Keyna that as an affectionate nickname, it also fit her because she constantly licked (kissed?) us, possibly because she was weaned too early from her mom. She carried her long dark tail high and had long skinny legs as a teen, and reminded me of a monkey, she was slim and sneaky like a weasal, and played like a dirty cheating rat. Her full name became the monkey weasel rat kitty.

There was not one fraction of a second I regretted bringing her home. Nor did my mom press the issue to return her. Oh puh leeze, my mom loved kitties like mad too! and now she had 2 sweet siamese fuzzies to cuddle with.

When I was home from college Kissy slept with me in my twin sized bed. She took up half the bed, always a bedhog. She liked to sleep curled up next to my waist or higher. She was a nutball, she loved metallic ribbon on the end of those flexible kitty sticks, I could get her to do crazy high backflips with those. She would never go to sleep before us when she was young, she had to hang out with me and my bf, she was afraid she'd miss the fun. She'd sit there at 2 AM struggling to keep her eyes open as long as we stayed up. Then one day she realized wow, I can go to bed before them! Otherwise she rarely left my side when I was home, she'd come when I called her, but mostly only me, she wasn't quite this way to everyone else. She was clearly my familiar. She was so sweet but still demanded attention, she knew not to scratch on carpet, and only on her scratching posts but if she felt ignored she would do it with this crazy look on her face. She was never declawed (it is horrible and cruel, no animal should be declawed), and I have never met a cat so careful to keep her nails in when playing with a person. She would actually jump away when she got too excited to keep them in. She loved her kitty sticks, and would drag them up and down the uncarpeted stairs for attention in the middle of the night.

Then I moved away, for 8 years I lived in various places in north Jersey and left her at home on purpose, why take her away from the palace where she had a huge house to run around and her buddy, Kayleigh to cuddle with, and a person almost always home, even if the places I lived allowed cats.

A job layoff had me move back with my parents after that 8 years, which was a blessing, because that was also the last year of my mother's life.  She had latched herself to my mom, and being the more dominant one shoved Kayleigh aside a bit, who was my mom's familiar. About a month after I moved back, Kissy was back glued to my side every night in bed. My mom suspected Kayleigh of being my grandmother here to keep an eye on my mom, and Kayleigh left us about 4 months after my mom died (or was it 1 year + 4 months? Things are fuzzy from that time but I think 4 months). Kissy got along with Kayleigh but liked me better, they cuddled for warmth as Siamese are always cold, but Kissy got too hot in the sun too long. My room was Kissy's turf. Even when I lived away and just visited, Kayleigh was allowed in my room, and Kayleigh was allowed to sit on my lap in OTHER rooms but if she had the guts to sit on my lap in my room, Kissy would sit and stare at her from the door, toes lined up with the carpet lines and beat her up later, sometimes she was a meanie that way.

Normally I would always want pairs of animals, but Kissy never minded being the only cat, she liked it. I was all hers as was the house. Once resumes were sent for the day, I spent tons of hours playing video games in my childhood bedroom with Kissy on my lap. She liked to watch cartoons and would watch my little guy run around the screen. She was also fascinated by big animals like deer & elk on TV.

Almost 2 years ago, dad moved in with his girlfriend and Kissy and I moved to my condo together. She was terrified at first, having lived in one house her entire life. She was not an under the covers kitty unless she was extremely cold, but she came under them at night and could not get any closer and I slept holding her tight to protect her. How many cats have you ever known to go to any person for protection? I thought so much of her when I saw The Goldan Compass, the way Lyra and her "soul" in cat form slept together. She would purr when I made eye contact with her from across the room. Until she went blind from cataracs about a year after I moved in. She got along ok though and still loved me to hold her all the time.

She was diagnosed with the start of kidney failure a few years earlier but it never progressed or affected her until recently. The past few months were hard and exausting on her and I. She had trouble getting up some days, I had to medicate her which she hated, and do tons of things. She became unable to get on the bed so I had to put her there every night because it's where she slept. She had her own little bed for the daytime. She didn't make it to the litterbox very often anymore, so I was taking her there, she peed in her bed, my bed, the floor but I did everything I could to keep her and the house clean. I was up several times a night taking her for a potty check or changing bedding. Yes even after she stayed sleeping on my bed. I did what I had to, got waterproof things to put under towels she slept on next to me to keep me dry and easily change if she had an accident. I don't know another person who would let their peeing cat sleep with them still but how could you say to your cat, ok you're dying and sick and peeing on yourself and now you get to sleep alone on the floor and be wet all night and still live with yourself? She and I both wanted her to stay sleeping next to me so we did whatever we had to. She didn't purr as much anymore but always did when I rolled over and hugged her.

We went to the vet so often, which we both hated. I felt bad making her take liquid medicine that tasted terrible, and struggled everyday if it was time, though I knew she would tell me when it was time. I could never justify killing my best friend because it was too tiring for me to take care fo her. Last Friday, she was flinching like she did when she had an abscess and hadn't eaten in a day or 2 (but chowed down on some leftover deli turkey before that). I made the appointment that morning, which was not until 5:30. I layed with her all day and some of it she was on my lap while I played some computer games. I tried to always have her with me because I know she was happier and felt safer and of course I am a good heat rock. I knew she wouldn't be around too much longer, so the last months everything was for my kitty, some would think it's insane but I don't care. She was my best friend and she was always there when I needed her. It wasn't an abcess. Essentially it was her body shutting down and gasping for air, it had become slightly more frequent through out that day. The vet who had cared for her a large part of her life and loved her too said she would probably die in a day and it may not be pleasant to watch. So I knew it was time. I held her on my lap trying not to cry, to be there for her, but that was impossible. I held her until she was gone, the vet allows you to stay with your animal as long as you want, but I wanted to leave because it hurt so much seeing her body.

She stayed with me as long as she possibly could, until her physical body just would not allow it anymore. I have no doubt I did the right things all along, she wanted to stay with me as much as I wanted her to stay. 17 years.

There will never be another kitty like her, right now I don't want another because it is too painful when you lose them.

Kissy with my japanese kimono as a great backdrop

Just one of her human curious expressions

Both the girls:


February 21st, 2008

Rip Mad Max @ 01:52 pm

Current Mood: sad sad

3rd and final ferret. Age about 6. Sweetest fuzzy ever, of course the other 2 were very sweet too...  Now who will hide my socks deep under bed and knock my lamp & alarm clock off my head board? 
Baby max:

October 23rd, 2007

Bye to Bronson @ 08:37 am

I got that long dreaded call. My pet horse Bronson who has been my best friend for 19 years died. He was 30-35 which is ancient for a horse, it was a timely death of old age.


May 31st, 2007

Iggy should die @ 10:23 am

You know how you get free address labels from charities in the mail?

I normally make my own cute fairy ones for the whole 2 things a month I mail (bills from places stuck in the past) though I hate wasting things so I use the free ones I get.

So far in the new house I got iggy ones from some charity, ew. iggy is gay. then this morning I was sorting mail I ignored the last week and there was the cutest ones, this furniture store's add for a sale and whatnot and a small page of address labels for me with a diff fancy chair on each one as the pic. very pretty!


May 12th, 2007

memories drawn out @ 02:11 pm

What a terrible movie to show mother's day weekend and that is not sarcasm...  Unstrung Heroes. I was flipping around and it landed here and though the synopses didn't sound like something I'd run to watch, but it was very well acted and written and drew my interest, and is a good movie, just not a good time to watch it. It's about a 12 year old and his mom is dying and it made me think of my mom so much and a lot of crying to go with.

I still have never gone to her grave other than the funeral and the 1 year later unveiling. I hope, and I'm pretty sure, she understands, she must know I love her, that it's just really hard for me. I almost bought a flower at the grocery yesterday to take there, but I didn't. You're not really supposed to leave flowers at a jewish grave anyway, you are supposed to leave a rock. That movie made me think how I really do need to grit my teeth and go to her grave soon, she should have rocks....

May 11th, 2007

Mystery of the mouse revealed @ 10:27 am

This was too cute not to share and believe me I hate forwards so it had to be good!

The secret is now revealed!!! The mystery is finally resolved.

How does the small arrow on your computer monitor work when we move the mouse?
Haven't you ever wondered how it works?
Now, through the miracle of high technology, we can see how it is done.
With the aid of a screen magnifying lens, the mechanism becomes apparent. 

Click on the link below and you will find out. The image may take a minute or two to down load and when it appears, slowly move your mouse over the light gray circle and make sure to click and you will see how the magic works.


May 9th, 2007

Aquapod shiny @ 01:34 pm

These look so funkay with ovaltine in them.


May 4th, 2007

Peeking in @ 02:09 pm

I don't know how much I care about my LJ anymore, but a very low key day at the office made me decide to peek in and glance over friend lists and all that. It's been a very long time since I have looked. I may not look for a while again, but, I looked. Today. Bye.

November 7th, 2006

Hmmm @ 04:44 pm

I'm alive. Surprised? shouldn't be, cats always land on their feet, but us pixies, float to the right altitude for the task at hand no matter how long it takes.

House hunting is tiring.... takes away from me being uber in Everquest 2 and other places but...

The time is coming that my dad and I will each be on our own again, he will be with his new GF though, she is cool and they met in a bereavement group, her husband died around the same time as my mom, also cancer, they wont be getting married which for some reason I'm glad. It's been 2 years. I chose to not go to temple this year with my dad, it was hard last year and my lack of religious belief makes it feel wrong for me to go there. It doesn't make me feel any better, I don't need it to honor or remember my mom, I do just fine every day with that.

I have met many great friends through Everquest, I wish most lived closer, naturally kin of mine are spread around the world. I will probably go to the next EQ official convention thingie.

I got a nice mortgage pre approval, YOU try that with trashed credit just a few years ago. I told you.. bounces back. I am quite pleased with the size condo/townhouse I can afford!

Texas soon, just a visit. No way in frigging hell would I move to the south!

October 24th, 2005

Justice @ 07:35 am

Current Mood: determined determined

Glad I work at a law firm. Makes this part far less hassle. No more waiting to get to it, no more chances.

Emotional Landscapes

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